28/12/13
We are starting our Scotland tour tomorrow with Scott and I am so excited to see snow. This week in London hasn’t been productive after Christmas. We had a huge feast with Ericka as part of the hostel deal and drank with our new friend/roommate Xavier who was an absolute charmer and I revealed a little to much to him in my drunken state but drunken words are soon forgotten in the sober light of day.
He told me about the move “pea-cocking” how you do/wear something that sets you apart from the rest of the crowd. Making you unforgettable and that the key is confidence and cheeky banter. I think I’ll take that advice, whether it only works with males or not is another thing.
But we had a little cuddle on the couch and we bought some alcohol to drink. I staggered to bed later and overall had a great Christmas. We did the old London Tour after Boxing Day we were still sick (still are) and hungover so didn’t do much.
The London tour was great, the city is rich with history of the monarchy. We then went on a pub crawl after where Caitlan and I joked about not bringing our “A game” due to lack of make up and winter clothes. But it was still fun experiencing the London nightlife. There was this Australian guy called Brent who worked for the touring company and obviously used it as a way to pick up women.
He was very drunk but i could see he was a tossa just from the way he searched the room and held himself, he wore a snapback hat which i could have thrown to the ground in anger. He ended up trying too take over the tour guide as he drunkenly joined and then hooked up with a tall blonde American girl who he had been flirting with all night. But he still went about to every girl in the room, clearly keeping his options open.
it angered me and i walked away from him all night. Xavier left without saying goodbye this morning and we have new French people in the room, a cute couple and another girl, tagging along. I know what it’s like to be that girl, I’ve been her all my life and i wish she spoke better English so i could tell her that there are much greater things in life then being in love with someone else.
Even though sometimes your heart will yearn for it. I’m excited to go to Scotland to bring in the New Year for 2014. I have to start thinking about what promises not resolutions cause i never do them, but promises i will create to keep to myself for the New year. I think 2014 will be more of a inner reflection and discover of self and spiritual awareness then my precious “revolutions” of finish a book, get more music gigs, find more work etc cause i never do, i procrastinate and then i feel like i am a worthless failure and i will be nobody in this life. i don’;t want to have an invisible pressure on myself anymore. i just want it all to come naturally. If i feel like writing, I’ll write, i’ll write with no deadline in mind and without thinking of a publisher. I might consider doing a short course in creative writing and looking into film production. this excites me and i feel like i am finding my passion and getting back to myself. after my horrible relationships i lost who i was…
I hate that, but i’m starting to see it as a lesson learnt rather than a mistake. 18 to 30 are the hardest years because you no longer have the excuse of youth, and you are an adult and know that this time is make or break for your future – but you are not ready.
I think the first promise i will make to myself for the New Year is to be kinder to myself and forgive myself for the mistakes i have made.
Haley Lauren Smith 